Feeling Judged - In My Head Or For Real

A couple days ago my husband wrote a blog post called Brethren, Love Your Wives. In it, he expresses his appreciation for me and thoughts on where he would be without me. During, and after, reading it, I found myself not being able to appreciate what was said about me. Instead several thoughts crossed my mind such as, "Everyone thinks I am so lazy, they'll never believe what he is saying about me." How awful it is that instead of feeling lifted, loved and appreciated, I feel put down, alone and judged. My mom would say it's just in my head. I would have to agree if it wasn't for the fact I know people have said things behind my back. I've even been accused of not wanting to be a mother to my children, a comment that makes my heart ache, and makes the already harsh feeling towards myself, for not being able to take care of my children the way I wish I could, more intense.
Why is it we are so judgemental of others? Instead of trying to help out or find out what is really going on, we make snap judgements about what we see and let that affect our treatment of others. I know I have been guilty of this, and maybe that is why this is my trial. I need to remember the feelings I am going through so that I will refrain from doing the same to others.
It has been a trying several years, especially this last year. I never thought that child birth and recovery would be so hard on me. I never thought that I would go through some of the challenges I'm facing. I was once told, "You have your work cut out for you." I thought I knew what he meant at the time, and I'm realizing I have no clue. I realized I have been so caught up in wanting everything to go smoothly and quickly, but nothing in my life has ever been smooth and quick. Sometimes one or the other, but not both. You would think I would be use to it by now. I thought the trials I have already been through would be the hardest trials I would have to overcome, and this last year I was given a harder one. I'm sure it won't be the hardest trial I'll go through either.
I have been blessed with the ability to put on a "happy face." Though sometimes it feels more like a curse. People think I live a "perfect" life, never having a hardship or sad experience. I think I grew tired of it and let down my mask quit a few times the last couple of years. Maybe it's time to make my life seem "perfect" again. I don't think very many people like the "un-happy face" Corrina.
I think I've rambled on long enough. This was probably more cathartic for me than anything else. But I will end this post like this:
It's almost Father's Day and instead of focusing on how he would like to be appreciated, my husband decides to showcase me. Maybe he wanted to show others that what they may perceive as our relationship may not be the reality. Until my pregnancy with Jaron, I was the one who supported Dave. While others told him that he could not accomplish his goals, I was there to encourage him. It was not easy for him, I was not sure he could do it, but I did not let him know my doubts. Instead I gave him a shoulder to cry on and took care of things so that he did not have to worry. Since my pregnancy with Jaron, Dave has had to support me. He has been the one to take care of things while I've suffered. He has struggled, and most of the time he probably felt like a single parent. He has not complained about me. He has felt overwhelmed, and at those moments I was able to support him again by giving him an ear to listen and words of encouragement. There will come a time when it will be my turn to support him fully again.
I would be remiss if I did not recognize the true reason we have been able to make it through our trials, our Heavenly Father. He has provided the way for us to survive and make it through. Without Him, we would not be where we are today.
I'm truly fortunate to have a husband who cares greatly about me and puts me before himself. Even my mom reminds me of that when I forget, lol. I'm so thankful he is my companion and the father of my children. I'm glad that while the world may judge me, he does not listen to their negativity and continually praises me, even while they try to convince him that I do not praise him enough. I love you honey! We'll make it through this season of our life despite the criticism and judgement of others. I'm so thankful for your ability to ignore their attacks and focus on what is truly important. Thank you for your kind words and service, thank you for caring, thank you for being my husband.