It's Never Convenient When Your Health Is Declining Pt 1

Sometimes (it may seem like every time), things happen when you feel it's the worst possible time for it to happen. Recently my faith has been greatly shaken as I struggle with ongoing health problems and the timing of it all. Dave is struggling in school because of this, which has made me angry with God. Why are we having to go through this? Why are things not resolving quickly? Is Dave going fail out of school, leaving us with a massive amount of student loan debt we'll never be able to get out of? Why would this happen to us when it was so clear this is what we should do? This might be a long post, but I feel I need to explain our situation because I can't quite get it right when explaining in person. I know there are people concerned, so I want to explain this for them.

The History:
I've been exhausted for many, many years. Before having kids, before getting married, possibly since Junior high. I started talking to doctors about this when I was 18. Every year I'd be tested for diabetes, hypoglycemia, and thyroid levels. Every time, the numbers came back normal. The doctors' diagnosis: it's just something your body does. Once I had children, things became worse. Doctors began telling me it was just depression. Friends and family would say it's because I'm a mom. I kept saying it was something more, but no one would listen. I would have a hard time falling asleep, then wake up exhausted no matter how much sleep I got. This caused a lot of anxiety for me. All I wanted was to feel ok, I wanted more sleep, and wanted to be the mom and wife I wanted to be and couldn't. This caused a lot of guilt, so I'd push myself. The next day I'd be so wiped out, I couldn't get out of bed. I'd be extremely nauseous being upright. Dave would take Jaron to school with him to help out. Then Lara. We did what we had to to cope.
After Ian was born, the exhaustion became worse. I thought it was my medication. I was lightheaded, dizzy, and nauseous all.the.time. I eventually got off the medication, but the lightheaded, dizzy, nausea didn't go away. Dave would have to come home from school early because I couldn't take care of Ian, Lara, or take Jaron to school. Dave struggled. He had to make all the meals, clean, do everything I should have been able to do, but couldn't. I had so much guilt. Dave had to retake 3 classes during the summer. Thankfully he passed them, and we made it through his first year of pharmacy school.

The Initial Diagnosis:
In August, after being off my post-partum depression medication for 2 months, I found my self extremely irritable. I'd yell, then cry because I was yelling. One morning, I lost it. I couldn't stop crying. Dave said, "I think you need to see a doctor." I knew he was right, and the doctor's office I contacted got me in that day. We discussed my situation, everything I was experiencing, and decided that I needed to be back on medication. He said he wanted me to be checked out for sleep apnea, and ordered a pulse oximeter test. I was grumpy about it. I thought he was doing it just because I'm morbidly obese, but I did the test. At my follow up appointment to check my medication, he just got the results back. He told me that the test showed a little bit of drops in my oxygen at night, so he was referring to the sleep specialist to look into it more. Once again, I was grumpy about it. I did NOT want to be put on a CPAP machine. The nurses couldn't get an oxygen mask on me when I was in labor, so there was no way I could handle a CPAP mask. The sleep clinic left a message on my answering machine to schedule an appointment, but I never called back. I was NOT going to be forced into using a CPAP (I wonder where my children get their stubbornness from...haha). About a month later, the clinic called back. I happened to answer the phone. The lady was really nice to me. She said that I should come in just to find out what my options were, then I could decide if I wanted to do any of them. She softened my heart, and I scheduled the appointment.

I didn't think I'd turn this into 2 posts, but I'm exhausted. The next part makes me emotional, and today has already been very emotional. So this is as far as I can get tonight. Stay turned for the rest of our story :)